Le`GrandDuchess: August 2009

There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness.
When you're high it's tremendous.
The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars,
and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones.
Shyness goes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there,
the power to captivate others a felt certainty.
There are interests found in uninteresting people.
Sensuality is pervasive and the desire to seduce and be seduced irresistible.
Feelings of ease, intensity, power, well-being, financial omnipotence, and euphoria pervade one's marrow.
But, somewhere, this changes.
The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many;
overwhelming confusion replaces clarity.
Memory goes.
Humor and absorption on friends' faces are replaced by fear and concern. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against--
you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and enmeshed totally in the blackest caves of the mind.
You never knew those caves were there.
It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.

— Kay Redfield Jamison (An Unquiet Mind)

I was digging through my old books,
and I came across this reviving book,
filled with hilarious animal illustration.
Its called "The Blue Day Book".
It was given to me by the best-est friend i've ever had,
on the worst wretched period of my life.
This book is my life saver.
Its so great, I just had to share.
The absolute best present I've ever gotten.
I owe her one. =)

it goes like this..
oh ps, it helps more when you read it out loud.

Everybody has blue days.
These are miserable days when you feel lousy,
grumpy, lonely and utterly exhausted.
Days when you feel small and insignificant,
when everything seems just out of reach.
You can't rise to the occasion.
Just getting started seems impossible.
On blue days you can become paranoid
that everyone is out to get you.
(This is not always such a bad thing.)
You feel frustrated and anxious,
which can induce a nail-biting frenzy
that can escalate into a triple-chocolate-mud-cake-eating
frenzy in a blink of an eye!
On blue days you feel like you're floating
in an ocean of sadness.
You're about to burst into tears at any moment
and you don't even know why.
Ultimately, you feel like you're wandering
through life without purpose.
You're not sure how much longer
you can hang on,
and you feel like shouting,
"Will someone please shoot me!"
It doesn't take much to bring on a blue day.
You might just wake up
not feeling or looking your best,
find some new wrinkles,
put on a little weight,
or get a huge pimple on your nose.
You could forget your date's name
or have an embarrassing photograph published.
You might get dumped, divorced or fired,
make a fool of yourself in public,
be afflicted with a demeaning nickname,
or just have a plain old bad-hair day.
Maybe work is a pain in the butt.
You're under major pressure
to fill someone else's shoes,
your boss is picking on you,
and everyone in the office,
is driving you crazy.
You might have a splitting headache,
or a slipped disk, bad breath,
a toothache, chronic gas,
dry lips, or a nasty ingrown toenail.
Whatever the reason, you're convicted
that someone up there doesn't like you.
Oh what to do, what to dooo?
Well, if you're like most people, you'll hide behind a
flimsy belief that everything will sort itself out.
then you'll spend the rest of your life
looking over your shoulder,
waiting for everything to go wrong all over again.
All the while becoming crusty and cynical
or a pathetic, sniveling victim.
Until you get so depressed that you lie down
and beg the earth to swallow you up
or, even worse, become addicted
to Billy Joel Songs.
This is crazy, because you're only young once
and you're never old twice.
Who knows what fantastic things are in store
just around the corner?
After all, the world is full
of amazing discoveries,
things you can't even imagine now.
They are delicious, happy sniffs
and scrumptious snacks to share.
Hey, you might end up fabulously rich
or even become a huge superstar(one day).
Sounds good, doesn't it?
But wait, there's more!
There are handstands
and games to play
and yoga
and karaoke
and wild, crazy, bohemian dancing.
But best of all, there's romance.
Which means long dreamy stares,
whispering sweet nothings,
cuddles, smooches,
more smooches, and even more smooches,
a frisky love bite or two,
and then, well, anything goes.
So how can you find that blissful
"just sliding into a hot bubble bath"
kind of feeling?
Its easy.
First, stop slinking away from all those nagging issues.
It's time to face the music.
Now, just relax. Take some deep breaths
(In through the nose and out through the mouth).
Try to meditate if you can.
Or go for a walk to clear your head.
Accept the fact that you'll have to let go
of some emotional baggage.
Try seeing things from a different perspective.
Maybe you're actually the one at fault.
If that's the case, be big enough to say you're sorry
(Its never too late to do this).
If someone else is doing the wrong thing,
stand up tall and say,
"That's not right and I won't stand for it!"
It's okay to be forceful.
(It's rarely okay to blow raspberries.)
Be proud of who you are,
but don't lose the ability to laugh at yourself.
(This is a lot easier when you associate with positive people)
Live every day as if it were your last,
because one day it will be.
Don't be afraid to bite off
more than you can chew.
Take big risks.
Never hang back.
Get out there and go for it.
After all, isn't that what life is all about?
=)
I think so too.